morecandor

aren’t they weird?

Two nights ago I had three abnormally real dreams.  The kind that really act out for you.  The kind that really seem to take you for a ride. So that when you wake up, there they are all laid out before as clear as if you were really just there. Sure, eventually they fade, but for the that moment, just after you wake, they are nearly palpable, tangible in their detail. And when they come in packs like that, it sort of shakes me.

I seem to go through periods where I will remember nearly every detail about my dreams. The periods generally last about a week, spaced by months. Does this happen to everyone else? Generally I find the sensation pleasurable, feeling like something has been accomplished. Many times the dreams are creatively fruitful: plotlines, visual art, challenging idea. Other times they are unclear theatrics begging no explanation outside of REM play. They are almost never lucid (i never get to choose what happens) in any way.

Frequently they come with feelings of satisfaction. I feel as if I have accomplished something in just sleeping. Especially when some good or thoughtful idea is produced. And on those occasions that I actully write them down, it was worthwhile in the long run.

I don’t suffer their possible meaning most of the time. I cannot say I maintain a philosophy that dream can in some way inform us about ourselves. I try to stay as honest with myself as possible, and I am lucky to be with someone that helps me with that in a positive way. So I don’t really take anything from dreams. I don’t feel like my unconscience knows anything I don’t, so why should it be trying to tell me something? That is, I suppose, where dream theory, psychology, and philosophy intersect for me, seeing that I know essentially nothing about any of them.

I will, however, on occasion, play out a dream if it comes back to me. So far as manifestation goes, I have semi-frequent deja vu, mostly reflecting upon dreams. When this happens, when I find my self saying, “I had a dream about this”, I play it out. If in the dream I walked into Publix and bought a pack of vegetarian sushi rolls, a jar of natural peanut butter (you know, with the oil on top [you've got to stir it]?), and a single role of toilet paper, when I was really only planning to get a Red Bull, I do what the dream says. I guess I can’t say that I witnessed any difference (except for still wanting a Red Bull because they are delicious). I’ve never, for instance, exited the Publix only to find that a piano has fallen on the only other guy in the store whom I am behind only because I took the time to get that extra stuff and in whose place I should now be, that, of course, being under a baby grand.

Fruitless to follow my own dream/deja vu? Perhaps. But what else was I going to do with it?

One last note about dreams and following them. I believe you should always follow the waking kind.

i’m sorry.

i don’t want things to be like this. i just can’t help it right now. soon, before long I hope, I will be able to purchase on whim every album that strikes my fancy. And I will! I really will. When I have the means I always buy albums. I always do my research and then rush out to the store or order things ASAP.

In fact, I prefer to own actual albums. I like to consume then as a whole. I like to read along to the lyrics and tap my feet and examine closely the jewel case and any hidden surprises there might be. Like the time I found that if you pulled out the CD seat on the first POTUSA album there was a hidden picture. Thank you for those surprises. Sometimes there are even liner notes. They don’t come very often anymore, but occasionally there they are, an exciting little story I didn’t expect. Except Jewel’s liner notes. I could have done without her poetry.

Really, you can trust me. I’ll buy albums when I can again. I really really like music and that just doesn’t really go well with being poor this day in age. It is kind of like how poor people can only get the food that is really bad for them, like McDonalds or anything fast food. They are forced to eat things that are bad for them. they can afford little else. If they had the money perhaps they could get small jewels like fresh vegatables. If they could afford fuel for their cars they could drive to to a farmers market and by locally, but they can’t, so they go to walmart. There is one on every corner.

You see? I need the music, but it just to pricey. I must take what I can get. If only those poor people could download fresh organic squash. How glorious their days would be!

Luckily music is readily available for illegal download. But isn’t it justified in that light?

Thank you. I knew you would agree.

I will buy your album. I promise.

dear auntie leah,

i think it is pretty great that you got to spend the night out. i have heard that is a difficult thing when you are having many many babies and childrens. i think really it is a grandma thing because she likes to screen her calls and then fake like she was sleeping when she answers so whe won’t have to talk waaaaaay to long. so, AHA!! i caught you.

just kidding.

gymnastics is pretty cool. i only vaguely recall you wanting to be a 4 foot tall, russian concubine who likes to sky dance on broken parallel bars. to be honest, i can’t really remember you dreaming at all. was i in any of them? hrrrmmm? maybe i would remember if you helped me remember. Anyhoo, i watched that video you linked to on you blog and then i watched another and another and another and then i understood, yet again, why youtube is so so so rich and i am not.

also, i heard about your phone call from maya angelou and immediately thought of this which actually is not even maya angelou at all, but toni morrison. isn’t that weird? i suppose really, i’m just shocked by the content and that such a well respected author is pimping the kindle. but, i digress.

don’t live vicariously through your son.

love,
nephew

If you had the chutzpah to read AND watch the last post, I congratulate you. Those videos are not easy to watch, and they are still harder to forget. Sitting in a cubicle, ever-nearing insanity, I first watched those videos and several more. I cannot forget the image of men stomping chickens and a small monkey squirming desperately inside a glass tube, unable to move his arms or legs, mouth wide in silent scream. Let me assure you that I have seen enough to change me forever. I have seen enough to understand that fear of change is always worse than fear itself. That axiom goes for all things in life.

We have little to lose and, at this point, much to save.

I realize that giving up anything is difficult, especially something that has been a part of life for much longer than the most warned about vices. Really, what came before milk? Nothing as far as most people are concerned. What I really want to emphasize is that you should investigate the world around you. Challenge what you know and believe. If you come out on the other end still believe they same thing, that belief will be stronger having been tempered in fire. If you change, what have you lost?

A short list of things you might have just accepted without really considering:

Religion: Certainly a biggie. I work in a book store into which people stroll daily looking for works that support their already “strong” beliefs. They do not look to anneal their faith in challenge. They seek further support for things they already “know.” Reconsider

Milk: Humans are the only adult animals (think we aren’t animals?) that drink it. That is weird. Reconsider.

Meat: Are you even built for this? Check your teeth. They look more like a cows teeth (vegetarian [unless force fed each other (read: meat) with gives them Bovine spongiform encephalopathy, better known as Mad Cow Disease]) than your average house cat (omnivore).

Right of Way: Do you even know what this means? The simple explanation is “the person in the least amount of danger goes first.”

Oil: You need this? You are paying 3.50 a gallon for it. Are you sure you need it?

Cigarettes: Addictive? Okay. Why not just put a shotgun in your mouth AND pull the trigger. Cheaper? Not to mention: what are they putting in those things again?

Admittedly, I AM NOT PERFECT. I might be worse than everyone. But if you take anything away, I hope you understand that learning and change are not passive activities. You must, in every way you can, be the change you want to see.

I struggle daily.

I think it was John Milton who said that a faith untested is not really a faith at all. The way he figured it, if you don’t actually investigate the things you believe, how can you REALLY believe them. You cannot survive on what people tell you to do. If you did that all the time and never looked at yourself in the mirror, who would you be? Where would you be? Why would you be?

With this who beef industry/downer cow/disease uproar going on, now is the time to say: don’t act so suprised, people. Don’t act so surprised that major corporations supported by government funding and motivated by greed and sloth further underscored by male on male back slaping would transgress upon the little guy so. They do it everyday. The sad part: we let them. Please don’t act suprised that they would take advantage of animals and then presume to take advantage of YOU. YOU are no better than chattel in their eyes.

If you have ever wondered where your meat comes from, but immediately left the subject in favor of finishing your steak dinner, reconsider. In a time when information is so readily available, you’ve no longer an excuse. You’ve no longer any reason to say, I just don’t have time to research that. You do. And there are copious amount of information out there that could teach you a few things. Call them New Muckrakers, but like Upton Sinclair’s The Jungle (an appropriate read given our current issues) there are people out there trying to show you things. Many times you may not want to see them. They may not feel good, they may in fact hurt you to your core, but you need to see them. These horrible things don’t stop at a distance. As you can now see, they will make there way into your home, and I’ll be willing to bet that “downer cow” will become a household word one day.

In fact, I’ll spoon feed you.

or

And those were not that easy to find. Look, just don’t suppose that there is someone looking out for you. Look out for youself. Don’t let anyone take advantage of you. Always do your research.

What goes around, comes around.

Ok.  No.  Really.

Thanks for the recent visits from everyone who has come by to read. Thanks.

Ok.

The Rolling Stones are great. You already know this. But did you know that they are also very great? Or that they are very nearly always sometimes great? That said, now this can be said: the Rolling Stones are great.

But also! I make the bed everyday.

And. Time is an arbitrary construct.

There are like a billion blogs out there, which is quite a lot. There probably aren’t quite that many, but still. Can they all be read? Are bloggers writing themselves into oblivion. What is the motivation for blogging and what did people do before blogging came along?

Years ago perhaps people were saying, “Oh, I’ve got to tell Mary about this!” And then they would call Mary and say, “Mary, I’ve got to tell you this. Want to meet for lunch?” To which Mary would surely reply, “Yes.” at the same moment thinking, “Wonderful, I can finally tell Libby about that!” And they would meet for lunch and bond and talk.

Now people say, “Dang, I’ve got to put it on my blog.” And the internet is like the ultimate place to meet people. So is that better? News goes faster. The world goes faster.

Don’t call me a luddite, but I like a slow world. As you may already know, I’m a slow reader. I’m also a fairly slow thinker. But a fast driver! Vrroooom!

No, I didn’t actually dream of camels. But I have been having some really vivid and bizarre dreams lately. I can’t explain them. I’m not on any new medication, no major diet changes, no obvioius explaination for any of this. Much be just a phase. That excuse seemed to work well for much of my formitive years, so it should be fine for this as well.

Probably the weirded dream came last night…while I was sleeping (wink). All dreams start of the same: I was somewhere with(out) someone. In this case I this I was in a mall or perhaps my aunt’s house with my cousin who recently had a baby, a boy. I was holding it and its neck was all thin and everyone kept telling me to make sure I was supporting his head (which I was, his neck was nothing for christ’s sakes!). I carried him around and talked to him and played with him and then it was time to eat. So I gave him to his mother and he got fed and then he started to grow and in just a little while he was full grown (with no neck problems). Needless to day, this is out of the ordinary for humans (so far as I know). I, being as I am, ascribed it to the milk he drank, saying something like: SEE, IT’S THE MILK, THAT IS WHY PEOPLE ARE FAT, BECAUSE THEY DRINK MILK, WHICH IS DESIGNED TO MAKE HUMANS GAIN WEIGHT.

Perhaps you had to be there.

My last time on a sailing ship, nearly a decade ago now, I was making my way to North Greenland by way of an Israeli freighter carrying specialy wheelchairs from the Isle of White.  On our third morning out I stood on the deck before sunrise and took in the ocean air.  The deck was silent with most of the hands still sleeping.  At that hour the ocean is calm.  There are no white caps and the ship is nearly silent as we pass through the water, skating towards Greenland and destiny.

Caught in my reverie and seeing the sun just beginning to peek over the horizon, I did not notice the approaching boot steps. I jumped when the ship hand reached me and severly clicked his heal together, indicating his desire for my attention. I turned, saw it to be one Timboora Sondle, a short african man hailing form Libya. Sondle because an aquaintance of mine my first day aboard, leading me around the ship and introducing me to everyone. He is the sort of man who is liked by everyone: always ready with a jovial smile and a kind word. He and I drank late that first night and near two AM he broke down and revealed his true reason for being on the ship, of which I cannot speak to just now. For his presence is direct and he requested I not repeat what I had heard.

Sondle spoke, his voice low and still rough with sleep, he did not look at me, “His master is requested to see the captain with the utmost.” I nodded, sensing that he did not wish to speak to me, and left to see Sir Thomas Derill, the captain of this most seaworthy vessel, and the benefactor of my trip. I heard through Sondle that the captain was a salty man, not easily taking visitors aboard. In fact, he was, more than once, know for throwing perfectly able seamen, he himself had hired, overboard on little more than a whim. Sondle told me of one such fellow, burly and thorough at running ropes and tuning engines, who had lost the favor of the captain for wearing his had askew. I argued Sondle that any man running such a fine boat could be so unreasonable and lacking in respect for his own hired help. Sondle would not submit and in the end I let my self be swayed.

Such the case, I did not look forward to my visit with the captain.

I can hear the toilet running, which makes me think I should get up and jiggle the handle, which would make it stop running.  Which makes me think I should get up and do dishes, which makes me think I should make some breakfast for my self and vacuum.  This place needs a vacuum run over it.  Which makes me think I should dust, which makes me wonder where dust comes from.  I’ve heard farts, but I think it is the furniture.  Which makes me think about moving the furniture.  After all, I said I sould do something about it.  Which actually makes me want to move the furniture, but it is cold in that other room and so warm just here.  Which makes me think that if I get moving I’ll warm up.  I could take a shower even, that would warm me up.  Which makes me think that I should shower, just for the sake of not lying here in my own filth.  Which makes me think that you will think I lying here in film, my own filth, and you will think that I have messed the bed.  Which I have not.  In fact I’ve recently showered, less than 24 hours ago, anyway.  Which makes me think about the bathroom, and the toilet, running.

I just jiggled the handle.  I feel so much better now.